Rebuilding Trust in Relationships After It’s Been Broken: How EMDR Therapy Can Help
Trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship—whether with a romantic partner, friend, family member, or colleague.
When that trust is shattered through betrayal, such as infidelity, deceit, or broken promises, the emotional impact can feel overwhelming. The pain of betrayal often lingers, making it difficult to open up again, even in new relationships. You might question your judgment, avoid vulnerability, or feel stuck in a cycle of anger and doubt.
Rebuilding trust, both in others and yourself, is a challenging but essential step toward healing and connection. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, originally developed for trauma, offers a powerful, evidence-based approach to process the wounds of betrayal and restore your ability to trust. In this blog, we’ll explore the impact of broken trust, why it’s so hard to rebuild, how EMDR facilitates healing, its specific benefits for relationship recovery, and practical steps to get started. Whether you’re navigating a recent betrayal or carrying old scars, EMDR can help you move toward healthier, more trusting relationships.
The Impact of Broken Trust in Relationships
When trust is broken, it’s not just the relationship that suffers—it’s your entire emotional world. Betrayal can take many forms: a partner’s affair, a friend sharing your confidences, a family member breaking a promise, or a coworker undermining you. Each instance erodes the belief that others are reliable, leaving you with feelings of hurt, anger, shame, or even self-blame (“How did I not see this coming?”). Psychologically, betrayal can trigger a trauma response, similar to PTSD, with symptoms like intrusive memories, hypervigilance, or avoiding closeness to protect yourself. Research shows that betrayal trauma disrupts emotional regulation and can lead to anxiety, depression, or social withdrawal.
The ripple effects are profound.
Broken trust often leads to negative beliefs about yourself (“I’m not worthy of loyalty”) or others (“Everyone will hurt me”). These thoughts can sabotage new relationships, making you hesitant to connect or overly cautious, scanning for signs of deceit. Physically, the stress of betrayal can manifest as insomnia, tension, or panic attacks, as your body stays on high alert. For some, past betrayals—like childhood neglect or earlier relationship wounds—compound the pain, blending old and new hurts into a tangled mess. Left unaddressed, this can lead to isolation, unhealthy coping mechanisms like overworking or substance use, or staying in toxic relationships out of fear of being alone.
Rebuilding trust requires more than forgiving the betrayer or “moving on.” It involves healing the emotional wounds, restoring confidence in your judgment, and learning to open up again. Traditional talk therapy can help, but it often takes time to unravel complex emotions. EMDR, however, targets the trauma directly, offering a faster path to recovery by addressing both the event and its lasting impact.
How EMDR Therapy Works to Heal Broken Trust
EMDR, developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980s, is a structured psychotherapy that uses bilateral stimulation—eye movements, taps, or auditory tones—to help the brain reprocess traumatic memories. When trust is broken, the memory of the betrayal (e.g., discovering a lie) gets “stuck,” triggering intense emotions whenever you’re reminded of it. EMDR mimics the brain’s natural processing during REM sleep, allowing these memories to be desensitized and reintegrated in a less distressing way.
The therapy follows eight phases, designed to be systematic and efficient. Phase 1 involves exploring your history to identify betrayal-related memories and triggers. Phase 2 teaches coping skills, like mindfulness or grounding techniques, to manage emotional overwhelm. In Phase 3, you select a specific memory (e.g., the moment you learned of a partner’s infidelity) and identify its associated negative belief (e.g., “I can’t trust anyone”). Phases 4-6 are the core: During desensitization, you recall the memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation, reducing its emotional intensity until it feels neutral. Then, a positive belief (e.g., “I can build safe relationships”) is reinforced, and a body scan checks for residual physical tension. Phase 7 ensures emotional stability between sessions, and Phase 8 reviews progress to solidify gains.
EMDR doesn’t require you to relive the betrayal in detail or spend years analyzing it. Instead, it rewires how your brain stores the memory, so it no longer fuels mistrust or fear. Studies show EMDR reduces trauma symptoms faster than many traditional therapies, with lasting benefits for emotional regulation and relationship functioning. For broken trust, EMDR is particularly effective because it addresses both the specific betrayal and the deeper beliefs that keep you guarded, paving the way for healthier connections.
Why EMDR Is Effective for Rebuilding Trust in Relationships
EMDR’s unique approach makes it a powerful tool for healing the wounds of broken trust. Here’s how it helps:
Processes Traumatic Memories: Betrayals often hinge on vivid moments—like overhearing a friend’s gossip or finding evidence of deceit—that replay in your mind. EMDR desensitizes these memories, reducing their power to trigger mistrust in new relationships.
Transforms Negative Beliefs: Betrayal can instill thoughts like “I’m not enough” or “People always betray.” EMDR replaces these with empowering beliefs, such as “I deserve honest relationships” or “I can trust my instincts,” helping you approach connections with confidence.
Eases Physical Symptoms: The stress of betrayal can cause anxiety, insomnia, or a constant sense of unease. EMDR’s bilateral stimulation calms the nervous system, reducing physical symptoms and helping you feel safe in relationships again. Self-administered techniques, like the “butterfly hug” (crossing arms and tapping), provide quick relief during triggering moments.
Builds Relational Resilience: EMDR equips you with tools to set boundaries, recognize trustworthy people, and communicate needs effectively. This fosters healthier relationships and reduces the fear of future betrayals.
Time-Efficient Healing: Unlike traditional therapy, which may take years, EMDR often yields results in 6-12 sessions, depending on the betrayal’s complexity. This makes it ideal for those eager to rebuild trust without prolonged therapy.
EMDR is also adaptable for complex cases. If a betrayal triggers past traumas—like early family betrayals or abuse—it can address these layers simultaneously, preventing old wounds from undermining new relationships. For diverse individuals, culturally sensitive EMDR therapists can tailor sessions to address betrayals tied to cultural expectations, systemic issues, or community dynamics, ensuring a personalized healing process.
How to Start EMDR for Rebuilding Trust
Ready to heal from broken trust? Here’s how to begin with EMDR:
Find an EMDR Therapist: Look for an EMDRIA-certified therapist with experience in betrayal or relationship trauma. Use directories like EMDRIA.org or Psychology Today, and check for virtual session options.
Build Trust with Your Therapist: In the first session, share your experience of betrayal and its impact. A skilled therapist will explain EMDR and create a safe space. If trust is a concern, take time to feel comfortable.
Reflect on the Betrayal: Journal about specific moments, emotions, or triggers related to the betrayal to guide your therapist. You don’t need to share every detail aloud, but clarity helps target the right memories.
Practice Coping Skills: EMDR includes techniques like deep breathing or visualization to manage distress between sessions. Use these to stay grounded if painful memories surface.
Explore Affordable Options: If cost is a barrier, seek sliding-scale fees, community clinics, or insurance-covered EMDR. Group EMDR sessions can be cost-effective and foster a sense of shared healing.
Complement with Support: Enhance EMDR with journaling, mindfulness apps, or support groups. Talking to trusted friends or family about your progress can reinforce your journey toward trust.
Conclusion: A Path to Trusting Again
Broken trust can feel like a wound that never heals, but EMDR therapy offers a proven way to process the pain, reframe limiting beliefs, and rebuild confidence in relationships. By addressing the emotional roots of betrayal, EMDR empowers you to form connections that are safe, fulfilling, and authentic.
Start EMDR Therapy in St. Paul, MN
The road to trust may feel daunting, but with EMDR, you can reclaim your ability to love, connect, and thrive. Take the first step today—your relationships and your heart deserve it. Our team of caring therapists can offer support. You can start your therapy journey with Sage Leaf Wellness by following these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start overcoming betrayal and building stronger bonds!
Other Services Offered with Sage Leaf Wellness
Sage Leaf Wellness is committed to helping you find the right path on your healing journey. In addition to EMDR therapy, we offer a range of supportive therapies, including Anxiety Therapy, Trauma Counseling, and Marriage & Couples Counseling. Our integrative approach ensures your care is tailored to your unique needs. We also offer support for first responders, and group services including therapeutic dungeons & dragons, and our resilient responder emdr group. Visit our blog for more helpful information!