EMDR Treatment for Grief and Loss: How Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Can Help You Heal
Grief is a universal human experience. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a relationship, a sense of identity, or even a cherished dream, grief has the power to reshape every corner of your life. While time and support can ease some of the pain, unresolved grief can become stuck, transforming into complicated or traumatic grief that lingers for years.
One treatment approach showing significant promise for grief and loss is EMDR therapy—Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Originally developed by Francine Shapiro for trauma, EMDR has expanded into a comprehensive model that helps people heal from the painful memories and emotions associated with loss. Among those pioneering EMDR for grief work is Roger Solomon, a psychologist and internationally recognized expert in EMDR and bereavement.
In this article, we’ll explore how EMDR treatment for grief and loss works, how Roger Solomon’s contributions have shaped this field, and how EMDR can help you or someone you love move forward with more peace and resilience.
Understanding Grief and Loss
Grief is often described as the emotional response to losing someone or something significant. Common reactions include:
Sadness
Numbness
Anger
Guilt
Loneliness
While these feelings are natural and necessary, some people find themselves stuck. When grief persists in a way that disrupts functioning or creates unrelenting distress, it can become complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder. This is especially true when:
The loss was sudden, traumatic, or unexpected
There were unresolved conflicts with the person who died
The individual has a history of trauma or adverse experiences
Traditional talk therapy, support groups, and rituals of remembrance can be profoundly helpful. But sometimes, no matter how much a person talks or thinks about the loss, the pain doesn’t ease. That’s where EMDR offers a different path—by helping the brain reprocess the memories and the emotions locked inside them.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s. EMDR helps clients process distressing memories, sensations, and beliefs by combining:
Dual Attention Stimulation: This can include eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones that engage both sides of the brain.
Focused Recall: Clients briefly bring up the most troubling aspects of the memory while staying grounded in the present.
Cognitive Restructuring: Negative beliefs (like “I should have prevented this” or “I am worthless without them”) are replaced with adaptive, compassionate perspectives.
Through this process, EMDR aims to transform how the brain stores and reacts to painful memories. Instead of feeling as though the grief is raw and ever-present, clients can recall memories without the same intense emotional charge.
Roger Solomon’s Contributions to EMDR and Grief Work
Among the most influential voices in the integration of EMDR and grief is Roger Solomon, Ph.D. A clinical psychologist and senior EMDR consultant, Solomon has worked extensively with people experiencing profound bereavement, including survivors of terrorism, natural disasters, and sudden loss. He has trained thousands of clinicians worldwide on how to use EMDR to help individuals process the complex layers of grief and trauma.
Key themes from Roger Solomon’s work include:
The Dual Nature of Grief and Trauma: In many losses—especially sudden or violent deaths—there is both grief (missing the person) and trauma (the shock and horror of how the loss happened).
Identifying Stuck Points: Solomon emphasizes that maladaptive memories can anchor grief, preventing natural healing. EMDR helps identify these memories and the negative beliefs attached to them.
Maintaining the Bond: A core tenet of Solomon’s approach is honoring and maintaining an adaptive continuing bond with the deceased, recognizing that love does not end, even if the person is gone.
Using EMDR Targets Thoughtfully: Solomon teaches clinicians to target not only the traumatic images but also the moments that hold unresolved guilt, anger, or regret.
Through these insights, EMDR becomes more than a trauma treatment—it becomes a framework for moving through grief in a way that honors both love and loss.
How EMDR Treatment for Grief Works
If you are considering EMDR therapy for grief, here’s what the process often involves:
1. History Taking and Preparation
Your therapist will learn about:
Your relationship to the person or object lost
The circumstances of the loss
Any past traumas or losses that could complicate healing
Current coping resources and supports
Preparation includes developing grounding techniques and identifying safe memories or images you can use for self-soothing during sessions.
2. Assessment and Target Identification
You and your therapist will pinpoint the memories or feelings that feel most charged. This might be:
The moment you learned of the death
An image from the funeral
Regrets about something left unsaid
Beliefs like “I should have done more” or “It’s my fault”
The therapist will help you rate the level of distress and identify the negative beliefs linked to each target.
3. Desensitization and Reprocessing
While holding the target memory in mind, you’ll engage in bilateral stimulation (often eye movements or tapping). This phase can bring up emotions, thoughts, or body sensations. The therapist will guide you to notice and allow the experience to unfold, pausing when needed.
Over time, the memory typically becomes less distressing. The emotions shift from overwhelming pain or guilt to acceptance, gratitude, or love.
4. Installation of Adaptive Beliefs
Once the distress has decreased, your therapist will help you reinforce more compassionate beliefs—for example:
“I did the best I could.”
“Our love continues.”
“I can remember them with peace.”
5. Body Scan and Closure
You’ll notice any residual tension or discomfort in the body and reprocess if necessary. Each session ends with grounding techniques to help you leave feeling stable and supported.
Benefits of EMDR for Grief and Loss
EMDR is not about erasing memories or severing emotional bonds. Rather, it supports you in integrating the loss into your life story—without being hijacked by trauma responses or self-blame.
Potential benefits include:
Reduced intrusive thoughts and flashbacks
Less guilt, anger, or regret
Improved ability to connect with memories without overwhelming distress
Renewed sense of purpose and meaning
Greater capacity to maintain an adaptive connection with the deceased
Research and clinical experience suggest that EMDR can be particularly helpful for losses that are traumatic, sudden, or complicated by earlier adverse experiences.
Who Can Benefit from EMDR for Grief?
EMDR therapy can be helpful for people experiencing:
Complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder
Losses connected to traumatic events (accidents, homicide, suicide)
Sudden or unexpected deaths
Persistent guilt or anger about the loss
Difficulty moving forward despite time and support
However, EMDR isn’t right for everyone. People with severe dissociation, unaddressed substance dependence, or unstable living circumstances may need additional stabilization before beginning reprocessing.
Maintaining the Bond While Healing
One of the most comforting aspects of Roger Solomon’s approach is the acknowledgment that EMDR doesn’t require you to “let go” of the person you loved. Instead, it helps you transform the relationship in a way that fosters ongoing connection and peace.
Many clients who complete EMDR for grief report feeling more able to recall happy memories, honor their loved one’s legacy, and carry their love forward without being stuck in the moment of loss.
Finding an EMDR Therapist
If you’re considering EMDR treatment for grief and loss, look for a therapist who:
Is trained and certified in EMDR (ideally by EMDRIA or your country’s EMDR association)
Has experience with grief and bereavement work
Understands the contributions of experts like Roger Solomon and integrates these approaches thoughtfully
Makes you feel safe, respected, and understood
Healing from grief doesn’t mean forgetting. It means creating space for new experiences and relationships while honoring what you’ve lost. EMDR can be a powerful ally in that journey.
Final Thoughts
Grief can feel endless and consuming, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. EMDR therapy offers a research-backed, compassionate approach to help you process painful memories, release the weight of guilt and regret, and reconnect with life’s meaning and purpose.
Start EMDR Therapy in St. Paul, MN
If you or someone you love is struggling with unresolved grief, consider reaching out to a trained EMDR therapist at Sage Leaf Wellness to explore whether this approach could help you find relief and healing. As Roger Solomon has shown through decades of work, it is possible to honor your loved one’s memory while also moving forward with a lighter heart. Start your therapy journey with a caring therapist by following these simple steps:
Other Services Offered at Sage Leaf Wellness
Our team of therapists understands that you may need support with more than one mental health concern. This is why we are trained to offer a variety of mental health services in addition to EMDR therapy. Other services offered include Anxiety Therapy, Trauma Counseling, and Marriage & Couples Counseling. Learn more by visiting our blog today.